it’s broken
I was relieved, now I’m sad. I was sure, now unsure. I was unsure, now sure. I have no idea really what is next, only that it isn’t what I thought it was. It feels like a bit of my heart just died.
Category: Angst
where did it go?
I had a huge long post and it is gone! Where is it?! It uploaded. I’ll see where it went. Thank god I looked in the saved folder and checked the date on blogdesk. For some reason it was set for May 2009, weird. I have no idea. Anyway, posts …
Success in the affairs of life often serves to hide one’s abilities, whereas adversity frequently gives one an opportunity to discover them.~Horace
It was an interesting day. That seems like such a tepid way to say well, just about anything. We were able (we = two of my M.A.T. cohort and myself) to see /hear Chris Crutcher (noted author of many, several of them banned, books)to hear some presentations given by other …
crossroads
I don’t know if I’ll get to keep this up and post tomorrow. I’m going to a Curriculum conference. I’m terrified of driving in unknown cities. I hate driving in unknown cities. I’m also at a crossroads for a big decision. This whole thing could have been a massive wrong …
Better not blow it
I haven’t officially signed up for Nablopomo as I usually do. I’m still not sure if I should. I miss my blog, but I’m so tired at the end of the day. I worked on homework all week. I still have a little more to go. I’m very tired. We …
Callin All Angels
I’m going to post some of my assignments on my blog and on Facebook. There’s quite a lot of writing and it’s good exercise. Callin All Angels The loss of one of my dearest friends, strangely wasn’t on my quick list of watershed moments, but when I stopped to think …
Nonexistant
I know I lived here. I know I had these friends and experiences. I have them all locked in my head. I remember some very very clearly. But there are very few pictures. There are many pictures of my friends, some of them I took, but very few of me. …
Thanks to two men, old and young
Sometimes in your life you can actually hear the door slam and the window open. It’s been a shattering month. Despite the pregnancy losses, mortality and the simple dividing line between living and not, was never so obvious as recently. We knew that C was dying. We’d been visiting weekly, …
Your shadow at morning striding behind you /Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;/I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
~T.S. Eliot from The Wasteland Again and still it is hard to find the desire to say the things I used to say here without much effort. I have always written easily and frequently, until about December of last year. A horrid thing happened and simultaneously my desire to write …
As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport
Once again I’ll thank you for the pokes and proddings to catch up, to write more. We’ve had an eventful last several weeks, both good and bad. The bad is that my stepfather has returned to the hospital then been moved back to the skilled nursing facility. He won’t be …
The sun upon all things that grow, Falls in sleepy streams~Yeats
And it’s been another while. I’m not entirely sure why. Some of it is just life and a lot to do and keep track of. Some is just …well I hope it doesn’t mean I’ve lost the urge to write. I hope it simply means that this is a “…sea-change/Into …
“When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself.” — Isaac Bashevis Singer
How long does it take to recover from a betrayal? I’ve had a few in my life. Some of them very early. One in my late 20s and several in the last 5 or 6 years. Other than the childhood ones, the last several have been among the worst. People …
Insert title here
Trying not to give up now that we are down to the wire. Had some issues with our connection last night so I’m hoping the fact that I had it queued up to go when the access came back makes it OK. It’s not like there was anything else I …
Deja Vu
This is really quite unsettling. James has a migraine, as he did last year. The Bean is sick, as she was last year. I am threatening a cold. Just as last year. I host Fangsgiving, just as last year. A year ago, right around this time I got pregnant. Then …
Still not quite right
I had a topic that came up in an email with my friend C, about veterinary malpractice. I’m not in the best headspace to deal with that right now. So much went wrong with Mr. Newg (Mr. Newguise, from the middle English word for new fashion, basically) at the end …