“‘Tis our fast intent / To shake all cares and business from our age, / Conferring them on younger strengths while we / Unburdened crawl toward death.” — Lear, Act 1, Scene 1.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just a wee bit hyperbolic where my own self is concerned. I do always over dress and hyperbolize though.
I fear the time of my working years is coming to an end relatively soon before 72 or even 65. Not that I want this, I feel like I still have a brain cell or two to give, but because the powers that be are reorganizing things in such a way as to make it unlikely I will continue to be happy with my work.
I have a great boss and a wonderful group of people I work with. That is all about to change and in such a way as I don’t think I’ll be able to continue. I have some more to learn, but I see which way the “Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow” Except for a, possibly two people this isn’t malicious, it is just not necessary, in my opinion.
A lot is changing for me/us very quickly. We are going to give Em and Gavin our house and move to someplace smaller. It will be paid off soon, and they will just pay the taxes and utilities. This will also give me the chance to Swedish Death Clean as much as I am able before that time arrives. I’m getting rid of clothes I got to “fit in” places and times I don’t care about anymore, colors I am not going to wear (I’m old and have worn black and jewel tones since my 20s, I’m not going to wear light blue any time soon, I don’t care how hot it gets). tchotchkes I don’t need anymore. You will never pry the many pictures I have of Bean from me or my walls. We’ll finally be decorating in our dark gothic academia paint scheme and that is something to look forward to. We’re finding a house that will take to that. Before we’ve had to take what houses we could in Illinois, Arkansas and here in Eugene. Cause have you ever tried to rent with 4 or 5 cats? Not likely.
I just never really thought I’d retire. We’ve been lucky in that we lived within our means for many many years so it is possible to do this and still leave something to/for Bean. But J and I are not healthy and we need to get that way just to be able to experience what a lovely person our daughter is and is becoming and of course lots of cats.
And with that coming free time, I’ll fully join Indivisible and/or 5051, something to really help save us from the insanity that is our current christo fascist government.
I mean I guess it is time, but how come it doesn’t feel like I am this old, or how did it go this quickly? There is a dancing goth girl inside me who wants to drink all night and pass out in a cemetery. But the reality is I can’t have coffee after noon and I’m asleep by 10.
Still fighting the good fight against my depression adversary. This is the worst one since…well years now. The brightening of the days helps, though more improvement is still needed.
I don’t like change much even when it ultimately is good. At least I know that and once the urgent emotion is spent, I can mostly go with it, mostly. I just don’t like that is is about time to say uncle to the working life. That is going to require some effort to reorient from. I’m also going to have to work hard to keep some of these folks from the job in my life. I really care about them, and don’t want to lose touch. Of course depression fucks that up, just look at how I’ve messed up with the folks back home, who I think about and miss every day.
Of course the disclaimer–this is all just an old witch’s wibblings about personal life changes. Much bigger things are going on right now. I just need this out of my head, so here it is.