Witnessing Self

Project Reverb prompt“It has been said that you must learn to take care of yourself before you can be effective at taking care of others. How did you take care of yourself in 2014? How will you take care of yourself in 2015?”

I am learning to speak up when my boundaries are crossed. I used to be much better at that. When I lived further away from my place of origen. Then I moved back and my doormat tendencies returned somewhat. My ability to speak up is returning, perhaps because we are moving back out west –away from the South and the judgement that seems stronger here. Perhaps also because I’ve gotten older alcohol no saladand more tired.

I’ve also embarked on a year without alcohol to see…just to see what it would be like again. I spent many years without alcohol and it seems like a good idea again with all the crazy emotions that get stirred up when you step back from people who are  cruel.  And also when you move away from the place you’ve lived for 9 years which was your home as a child. And is your child’s home. It will be better for the Mister to move–for his work and other life. He’s never fit well here. He hasn’t hated it, but it just isn’t his place. It will be better for Bean too–her teen years in a place with more opportunities to do and to be. And I think for me too. There is a saying …”you can’t go home again.” hesse let goBut that is for another time.

Reverb14 prompt: “As you enter into the new year, what would you like to do/make/have/be more often? How will you bear witness and celebrate the tiny milestones? How will you respond on the occasions when your intentions do not come to pass?”

I started off doing good with swimming, then was injured. The discovered that my  psoriatic arthritis was really active or however you say it. And it’s not been a good year physically. I’d like to try swimming again, but I have to get the pain and stiffness under control. I’ve had this for years, but it hasn’t been a problem until the last year or so.  I’d like to be more active.

I’d like to spend more time writing this year. I think I can since I’ve given up on something that was taking up most of my free time. It was good to volunteer for it, not good how it has ended, and I hope to have time for my own things again, and for family things. It did keep getting in the way of family things.

I’d like to spend more time on my art though that has to wait until we get to the new place since I packed up my stuff already. I’ll have to be satisfied with painting cabinets.

I’d like to make it through our daughters early adolescence with a bit more aplomb. The not following  directions more than 3/4 of the way through is making me a bit nutty. Also this thing with chores taking hours and hours .

This is the year I spend more time learning to code. I know just enough to be dangerous. When I leave my current job in preps for moving–that and renos are how I’m going to spend my time. And writing. And Family….more family because that is going so fast.

I think too when we are settled I will learn to be a hospice volunteer.

How I will mark these things? Honesly no idea. I’m just hoping to eke out some kind of life in the midst of moving across the country.