Warming, as if in SpringOctober 28, 2016 / byJyllian M / Categories : Angst, Eugene, family, Fayetteville, The Bean
Madness need not be all breakdown. It may also be break-through. It is potential liberation and renewal as well as enslavement and existential death.
~R. D. Laing
First thing you learn to do in Basic. First thing you learn to do in many computing situations. First thing.
I’ve been gone. Has it been a year? Nearly.
Selling our house was harder than we expected. Much harder. I will tell that story soon.
We’ve moved. We no longer live in my old hometown in Northwest Arkansas.
We’re in Eugene, OR now. It was a long summer, knowing almost no one. Starting again once again.
E and I miss our friends. Heck, I miss HER friends. I love those girls. And familiarity. I miss her school, as does she. I miss my job–good people, good work.
I’m still trying to find a family doctor. Her braces are being looked after. She’s become a high school theatre kid (which is one of the best kinds of kids to be). I’ve almost got our new to us wonderful weird house put together. We may not have the large Halloween we’ve had for the last many years, but that will come next year.
The lovely daughter is becoming independent. Which is wonderful. And bittersweet. I am amazed at the beautiful being she is becoming and I miss the small babyhead she was.
I am….good. I’m trying a class to see if I can break through all my reticence to write, to be happy, to live again after the last two hard, hard years and the schism that developed in my birth family.
But, soon after we got here I felt like an enormous soul crushing weight had been lifted off me and I felt happy for the first time in a long long time. I have been able to be happy for others and with others, but just to be and be happy? Not for a long time.
I sang loudly today and danced.
I haven’t done either in much too long. I feel as if I’ve been frozen in place for years now.
I can sing and dance with only the cats for an audience.
It’s a step.
Watch this space.