This moment contains all moments. ~CS Lewis

December 29 – Defining Moment

Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

(Author: Kathryn Fitzmaurice)

I’m starting to wonder if Reverb 10 is all I thought it would be. I hoped it would connect me with other folks on the web. For years, since 1998 I have been shouting my thoughts into the void and I was finally ready to be heard by other than those folks who were friends, who stumbled upon me ….

Ok full disclosure…way back in the day I was mentioned and contacted by no less an impressive personage than  Mick Mercer and in his book, in a minor way, 21st Century Goth.

At that point I had written in excruciating detail about my nights and days as a gothgirl. So much drama there. Roomie issues. Boyfriend, girlfriend issues. The man I ultimately married. Some, ok many forays into …..well you can’t fill in the dots because I pulled all the archives down. I’ve been “blogging” or journaling on the net since 1998 or earlier. I’ve been on the net since …A LONG time before that. Usenet. The Well. etc.

So back then it was easy to be known because only geeks were knowing. Now—well I ain’t commercial. Ok. I have another blog I’m working on ..for WORK. Because I do tech in ed. But that is work.  And I am not breaking new ground there. There are lots more impressive people doing what I do. I kinda hoped it would be easier to create a community as myself. In well, what reboot of the web is this? 3.0? But then I don’t have lots of content outside of work other than navel gazing perhaps. I have some ideas to try but not sure yet.

But even when I was having multiple miscarriages I couldn’t become part of those communities. I mean, I read some of those blogs. I commented on a few. Yeah but then they all had babies and I didn’t so I got sour. Oops.  But again, it was shouting pain into the void or some hope for sorority/fraternity. I don’t know what the IN is. And really…what I’d like is to start making the web of connections. Helping people talk across state lines, across even country lines about …just talking.  Not depression, not miscarriage, not even parenting…just BEING. THAT would be cool. It is probably already happening I just don’t know where it is.

SO I guess I have a series of defining moments.

Every minute of every day is one. I found her last night. I liked this post quite a lot.

Hey weren’t we all supposed to comment on each other’s blogs. I didn’t see this much. I did this every day. Probably something I did wrong with twitter. Sigh.

How about this really cool ether friendship I’ve found . Tui is kind, insightful and damn creative.

Oh good lord I like another Christian, you have to stop now! These nice people AND they are Christians. Pretty soon everyone will know I like have my presuppositions messed with!

And I think I like this post very much.  The closing of the Year

Good lord and every time my kid sings. Seriously. I am suspended in time. That this amazing girl child issued from MY blighted aged womb? She sang a Hebrew song in a heavily Christian environment for her Buddhist parents and it was beautiful.

Ok. There’s the one. When my kid was crying and didn’t understand the ugliness of herd culture and I rose like a lioness and my husband was the Lion.

You know how bullies used to get away with bullying. Well NOT with OUR KID. . And ultimately she came up smiling and said “that girl needed some kindness.” Oops, we taught her right.

edited later to add…

So I’ve got to stop feeling sorry for myself and try and figure a way to make more connections. Or go back to feeling alright about shouting into the void. I think that this pushed me beyond my comfort zone, this Reverb 10.  That is a good thing so something has come out of it. And some more blogs to read, written by people…about being.

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