Reasoning at every step he treads, Man yet mistakes his way, Whilst meaner things, whom instinct leads, Are rarely known to stray. William Cowper

The Biggest Risk You’ve Ever Taken–Postaday2011, Postaweek2011

 

Ok, back on the bloggy horse, for reals this time. I don’t think I can post every day, but I’d like to post a couple of times a week, or a least once a week. I’ll shoot for once a week and see if I can better that. I’d like to find the folks I like online again—I’m enjoying #wineparty on Twitter on Friday nights. It’s taken the place of #lofnotc at least for me. #wineparty is fast and feels like how I imagine speed dating must feel. I enjoy the challenge to come up with pithy tweets though.

So…the biggest risk I’ve ever taken. After about 30 this gets to be a giggle. It seems like everything past the age of 8 has been a risk.

I’ve confronted adults about racism and abuse. When I was young. I can’t go into that further…yet.

I left Fayetteville with one year left of school at the urging of a number of people I probably should have waited BUT—moving to San Francisco was the best thing I’ve ever done. Even if it took me a year laying out and then two years more to graduate because of the differing requirements.

No wait marrying J was the best thing I’ve ever done. That was a huge risk. After being married before and how horrible that was? Yeah I’d vowed I would never marry again. And then I saw him—after being online with him for a year (IM and email lists) and a bolt into my brain said “you are going to marry him.” I ran back into my bedroom and made my roommate talk to him until I composed myself.

No wait—having Bean was the best thing I’ve ever done…which meant leaving R, who I loved very much because I knew I was supposed to be a mother—Both GInormous risks. Having a baby…me? With my background? I was terrified I’d ruin her. Sometimes I still am. I am flawed. Deeply. I’m too self centered. Too terrified. Not crafty enough. But oh…oh how I love her. And so far I haven’t ruined her.

And then there was trying teaching. It turned out that becoming a classroom teacher is not for me but finally I know that dream—the one I’ve had since I was in high school—was the wrong thing. Resolving that, even with the expense and angst was totally worth it.

Moving back to Fayetteville was a huge risk. Mostly it’s been successful, though I admit to missing SF more and more all the time. Maybe after Em’s older, the economy recovers and ….

Well that would be another risk then wouldn’t it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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