Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. ~T. S. Eliot

For Project Reverb it is Challenge , while Kat McNally asks us about taking risks. Which again are so closely related.

Because a challenge is a risk and a risk is a challenge.  Mostly.

I’m a bit tired… Mr. man has been away all week on business and I’m in my second week of the flu. We’re in the middle of a huge ice/snow storm. I sort of slept on the couch last night with the tv on to our local weather because of the huge ice storm in 2009. We were having (and still are) connectivity issues last night so ach…just too much.

And it seems like all I’ve been thinking about since October is Risk and Challenge. So I’m going to take a different spin on it.

I consistently take risks when I refuse to be bullied. I speak up. I speak up when I am treated badly. And  I was. And it got to be too much. And it happened when people were around and it was worse when they weren’t. And I spoke up and it was horrible. If I had it to do over again, I would just leave and state why when I left. I guess I had to get pushed to the wall to leave this one though.

It was a bad bad 6 week process but it catapulted me into something that is much better. And the better thing holds a lot for me to learn and is a big challenge.

There’s more but I’m honestly just tired of revisiting the same lessons. I don’t know how many times you try to forgive and rebuild or if there is an end to that road.

I do know this…you fail 100% of the time you don’t try. I think I’ll always take certain kinds of risks, ones that involve learning or creativity..but maybe in some instances…after learning things the hard way…it’s time to just stop.

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6 Comments

    • Jyllian M Jyllian M

      Thank you for your kind words. What is wonderful about reverb and your prompts is that I believe I’m writing all the bad experiences out of my system. Some of what happened actually got to the scary/creepy point and it has been hard to move past the fear. But #reverb13 is helping to uncover and bring air to the wound. So thank you!

  1. Oh, I hope you feel better soon and that the weather clears up.

    you fail 100% of the time you don’t try

    I need to remember this. Keeping your head down seems to be easier in terms of keeping the peace (and not being noticed), but at what price? Speaking up for ourselves and being who we are shouldn’t be punishable. But, as most of us learned very early on, they are. I guess the trick is learning which battles are worth our neck out for, and when to exit quietly.

    Big hug for you! Glad that situation is in the past now.

    • Jyllian M Jyllian M

      It shouldn’t be punishable to speak up but it is just as often as when we were kids, which I’ve found surprising. One of the ways that bullies get to continue being bullies is that no one says “hey you don’t get to treat people like that.” I trusted the process in this one and the process failed. This in itself was a good learning experience, because what was going on was so obviously wrong that I didn’t see how it wouldn’t be recognized, neither did J. He encouraged me to trust the process and was appalled when the simple request I had, which was to stop the behavior and learn why it was wrong, wasn’t granted. I have found more people willing to play strange power games in the last about 8 years than I had in the previous many in the Bay Area. I hope there isn’t a next time but if there if I can figure out quickly whether to keep my head down or just move on.

  2. Went through the same thing for nearly a decade. I walked away, knowing full well that bullies exist well beyond school years. Those who want power can have it: paying the price for it (strained relationships) is not worth it.

    Waking up everyday knowing you are not dealing with those same people day in and day out is liberating. Your mind will thank you for it as time passes.

    • Jyllian M Jyllian M

      It is really shocking how much things do not change. I wonder sometimes if these same people were bullies or bullied? I was bullied but choose never to do that to others. I’m always surprised and disgusted when adults do what they don’t want to happen to their children. Every day I’m not there is a better day…what’s the phrase, my worst day here is better than my best day there..yep.

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