Life is what happens to you

When you are busy making other plans.

It would seem, from the lack of updates that not much has been happening. That would be wrong. I haven’t felt much like writing and that in itself is an indicator that something is off.

We’ve had: Preschool graduation. The Bean’s first “big girl” birthday party, a trip with her best friend to “the Big Mouse and Cheese,” and Springfest. I am putting up pictures from that on our Gallery, so far only Springfest.is up, but there will be more.

I keep thinking I have something to say and then when I sit down here it’s all gone.

I’m in a state of extreme flux. To try to get pregnant again? To send out my resume (I’ve done that a bit and gotten a great response, but everyone wants me for 70 hours/high stress jobs and I’m not willing to do that again) apply to graduate school for another degree? Go hide in the bathtub until I’m 50?

Well, ok not the last one, though that crosses my mind every so often. And it is difficult sometimes not to feel I’m unsuitable for everything. But that can’t be the reality. I’ve accomplished so much up to this point. I have to find out what the next thing is and remember the ability to achieve that. Iit is time to do SOMETHING.

I’m also having a LOT of dental surgery and procedures. One, coming up in the next month is going to be horribly painful. I have quite the dental phobia and I’m having to summon up extreme courage each time I go for one of these appointments. So far so good, but it’s exhausting. I also can’t even think of getting pregnant until this stuff is finished. It’s bad enough that the fetus could be at risk.

We’re not sure we can handle another pregnancy either. So there you go. Thanks to those who emailed asking about my radio silence. I’m here, just not sure where here is right now.

It’s hard to exist in the in between.