It’s a bit like trying to turn an ocean liner around. Or an elephant. Or an 18 wheeler. Like that.

I’m going to start moving my fingers. Moving my fingers and writing some words. I don’t know what I’m going to say, but I know I need a bit of catharsis.

I’ll start with the yuck and move on. I do not know how to deal with this one person. Ok, 1.5 people. It’s a yucky one upsmanship situation, only I’m not playing . But this person will not stop trying to annoy me. And it’s weird stuff. I just want it to go away so we can get on with this things. I also have no idea how to deal with this other person. It’s not bad, it’s just non interactive.  I have a lot I could learn from this person but they aren’t sharing.

I guess I realize that the solution is not in them, but in me. I must let go wishing for them to be different. I cannot let their bad or unwanted behavior determine how I am going to behave. I will continue to be helpful and try to make things better.

It is not easy being an proponent  of progress and change. Sometimes it’s exhilarating, but many times it’s tiring and dispiriting. I understand why people don’t rock the boat, why they don’t try to try anything new or push boundaries. People don’t like change. I get that. But if you don’t change you get left behind. It’s 2011 and you are stuck in 1995.

Or folks are scared to be transparent. I don’t get that. Let your actions speak for you—personally, publically—why not?

And while I never thought of myself as a team player, I actually am. I like collaboration. I like learning from others. I’m surprised and saddened when people don’t. This isn’t just work either—it’s pretty much everything.

On the other hand…our weekend lives are getting better. I have concentrated recently on making sure we do certain local family things every weekend.  I have also instituted cleaning day. Pick one, pick the other, but for a couple or so hours on the weekend we clean the house. I’m just so tired when I get home right now I don’t get much done during the week so we take a couple of hours and clean like madmen. And so far it’s working. Though we are still behind on the laundry. I think I’ve nearly always been behind on the laundry.

I’ve also accepted the fact that I am the social planner for the family. And the motivator. I’ve tried not being but then things don’t get done. So I accept that I am and when I don’t feel like being– I’m not going to resent it, I’m just not going to be the planner or motivator until I feel like doing it again without resentment. I think that’s a good plan.

4th grade is going well for the Bean. She still has her girl gang and now she’s in a different after school program—more freedom, less structure, but I think she’s ready for it. She let me know SHE thought she was ready for it. I was concerned but she was right, she is ready. We have to do some serious work on her handwriting. It’s worse than chicken scratches. On the other hand she types incredibly fast for her age. Remember when you would drill for an hour on handwriting like EVERY day? Yeah they don’t do that anymore. And I don’t think cursive is actually taught, just sort of introduced and then dropped. I wish there were a way for her to type her answers, she’d be golden. In the meantime, she does handwriting practice every night in a book and writes the quick brown fox… I mean seriously, I’m at a loss. I never realized how much that drilling was responsible for me being able to write—because she didn’t get it in school and she really can’t write well.

I’m tired. I’m kinda down and trying to look on the better side and change what I can. I think it’s time for some Hulu escapism.