If you’re going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchill

So I can find two sites—the project reverb  site and Kat McNally’s site

Could anyone tell me—is there an overarching site that collects all these prompts or are they ad hoc sites set up ? I guess I’m used to nablopomo and how that works, I think this is different. Lots of independent reverb projects maybe?

Anyway..

On the the project reverb  site they ask what was the bravest thing you did in 2013. I laugh ruefully.

During October the bravest thing I did was wake up every day. Since May I had been requesting assistance with some yelling and disgusting behavior and getting nowhere. I was forced (yes) into making it formal. And by forced I meant I was told nothing would be done unless I did so. I tried everything not to go that route, but the person who could have fixed it wouldn’t do anything. Once I did, even though I knew only one person maybe, two would back me up…I kept showing up. Until I started throwing up. Then I found a way out and onto something new.  That in itself wasn’t easy because I had to go to something new next-door to the something horrible. 

BUT

Instead of dreading every day I am now saying good morning to strangers and smiling again. I don’t cry in the

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 shower every morning. I don’t feel like life is a bizarre mixture of tedium and fear. I have to carry my phone with me and a panic button app but I keep going. The downsides to this new thing don’t even count as downsides.

And I’m walking away from the people who ignored my miscarriages, who cut us out of the mourning process, who are constantly angry and who only allow me to interact with them on their terms. Who never forgive and who I always have to forgive. The ones who don’t love unconditionally but demand it for themselves. 

And I’m facing the fear of my lizard brain—the what ifs of significant change.

And I could not have done these things without the love and support of some very very good people.

and on  Kat McNally’s site she asks “What does your heart want?”

My heart wants love not conditions.

My heart wants joy not fear.

My heart wants affection not distance.

My heart wants new things to learn , new challenges.

My heart wants my writing back, my painting back…my creativity back.

My heart wants a place to stay and grow for awhile.

My heart wants time with my daughter and her school and her friends to see her grow and become.

My heart wants time with my husband ..just some time with him.

My  heart wants an apology and wants to give apologies too.

My heart wants to learn when caring helps and when it hurts.

My heart wants to not be tired anymore, not be fearful- to remember what it is like to feel safe and loved and content.

4 Comments

  1. I love your heart’s clarity and wisdom! x
    PS You’re right, there’s no one central repository for all things Reverb. Just a handful of independent hosts, like myself. The good news is that there’s lots of options for folk who like to mix it up. The less good is that the aforementioned folk may ned to trawl around a bit until they find what they’re looking for.
    PPS Very glad you found me! 🙂

  2. Having watched from the sidelines, I’d say you definitely could just clump that whole period of time between May to October as the bravest thing you did this year. You did good Amiga. You did good. Well done. 🙂 Now! On to the next adventure! [hugs]

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