Do Overs

Have you ever wanted a Do Over?

Some time in your life– either a pivotal moment or a series of events that might have been turned around that you’d just like to roll back.

I have some of those. But I wonder, how far can you go with that and still keep the good that is in your life now? See I believe that events are generally connected. For example.

I almost didn’t move to SF with the guy who became my ex husband. I doubted him and us, but went ahead because being in F’ville by that time was not a good thing.

Marrying him was the wrong decision. I knew it the day I married him and loOKed in the mirror and said to my reflection “Let’s get out of this place.” (10 points to whoever names that lyric)

But I did it. And though the next several years weren’t without good times, it was not, obviously, a good marriage. We were ill suited. Though I could provide more detail, really why? It’s been er…1000 years now.

So then I had a wonderful wild time in San Francisco. Then I met a really nice guy and was with him for awhile. But he didn’t wish to procreate and I knew I needed to, so I did the hardest thing I’d done, next to moving across the country–we brOKe up.

And then I had a few more bits of fun, but by this time I was researching sperm doners. Yes there are many adventures in between these lines. Some of them involve scorpions and rubber gloves, possibly.

And when I got tired of the schmoes I was dating (OK not all of them were schmoes, some of them were really quite smart but again–just not working) I just sort of stopped and said to myself “OK, I’m good here with the cats and the saving for a donor.”

And then along came J. He’d recently moved from a southern part of California. We’d been corresponding off and on for a year. We’d met on a Goth email list–again not something I would have been able to fully explore if I’d stayed in F’ville.

So…J and I met and we really never separated after that. And a year later we were married and a year after that we had the Bean. So…if I hadn’t run away from home with he who shall not be named, I never would have met he whom I love so very much and there would be no Bean. Not to mention all those folks I know and love back there–even if it has been years they still have a spot in my heart. There also wouldn’t have been a Mr. Newg, or a Zack or ….well all the kitties we have now!

So If I asked for a do-over for that first guy, I might not end up with the good guy and the Bean.

Then there are things that I can’t see the point of yet. Like some of the folks we hung out with in Chicago. I’d like to erase a good bit of that. Or maybe not all of it, but make it less friendship, more acquaintance. I guess if we hadn’t bought the house in Barrington, it would have been harder to get the house if F’ville? But I still haven’t figured out what exactly I’m supposed to incorporate from my time with those folks. I’m sure they would have all sorts of frightful and nasty things to say about it–it was a rather explosive ending– but all I can think of is maybe it was a necessary way station on the road to F’ville, where, for the most part, we are happy.

Maybe those things/times/situations you’d like to do-over…maybe those are what they call life lessons. Maybe those are the learning opportunities, however much they suck. And sometimes the truth of them doesn’t come out for years.

One Comment

  1. Re: lyrics – Tempted by Squeeze, perhaps?

    Unless someone else used that phrase in a song, but that’s what popped into my head.

    My life has been a big zigzag, too. Some wonderful things have come out of my biggest mistakes, so I can’t regret that stuff too much without unraveling all the good stuff!

    ~Tui

    p.s. Dunno if you saw it, but I gave yer blog a shout out a couple days ago on my blog. ๐Ÿ™‚

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