Well, I blame Tui of Mental Mosaic – I’d not heard about Reverb10. And though some of the writing on their ‘come join us” pages is a little twee for me, I like the idea. I usually get all reflective around my birthday and I did that of course this year—but reflection is good for getting unstuck, for progressing—as long as you don’t get stuck in your navel. I’ve done that.
Sigh…one of my favorite songs ever just came on Pandora Radio. Watching the Detectives—Elvis Costello.
I don’t know if it is ok to start a couple of days in. I’m going to assume it is the journey, not the arrival.
I don’t know if it is ok to not have done all the prompts. I’ll start today. Maybe I’ll go back and hit the first two.
Maybe I’m doing this because I’m not ready to shut up yet. It might be blither, but I’m writing more often.
That said. Ok…
December 3 – Moment.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
I have two answers. I’m not sure if the first one counts because it was technically in 2009. I interviewed for and got my job. I had recently left a master’s program in teaching—I already have a masters in Lit and I wanted to try out a childhood dream of being an English teacher. Those of you who have been reading this have heard the story often enough in the last year (most of my readers comment on Facebook or in email, where this is fed on Networked Blogs)so I won’t go into excruciating detail, let’s just say that I threw on the brakes and flung the car into reverse. I did eventually realize—I’d need to teach literature—and you don’t really teach that in secondary. But I also realized how much I really do love technology—I just didn’t love making it work for sales people or marketeers. They had too many tantrums.
I HATE tantrums. Adults having tantrums is nearly inexcusable in my book. I’ve witnessed far fewer tantrums in the education sector than I did in the corporate. There are other issues, but wait..tangent…
When I got to fix a tech problem and talk about some tech issues and challenges at a conference right before I quit the master’s program I felt this nearly motionless sense of being right.Everything stood still and moved at light speed simultaneously. I was happy, thrilled, on my game and did I mention happy? And I felt that again when I got my current job. That utter sense of being in the right place.I could feel every hair on my body. I could smell the air around me crisp and sharp with snow. I knew what I should be doing and though the path had many unexpected doglegs, I had a place and skills to match it. And I would be helping teachers! and kids!
The other alive moment was watching our child meet Princess Ariel and Prince Eric at Disney world. Our first ever vacation the three of us. Our saved for three years vacation. And perfect timing. First of all she’s 8. And she’s a sheltered 8. And magic is an accepted part of her life.
Magic Kingdom, we got there at opening. First full day of our 6 day trip. Close to the Swiss Family Robinson Tree (which was way cooler as an adult—remembering how much I liked the movie and seeing the tree as a kid, but not really recalling my meh reaction that it didn’t whirl or fly or anything. The book and movie were better than the tree—until I grew up. Huh.) In a little covered grotto area. There she was. We heard she was going to be there. We checked and double checked.
When we were sure Ariel was going to be there, we were first or nearly so in line. The line was short at that point. No one seemed to realize the real live little mermaid was RIGHT THERE! yet. Ariel is, was and always will be the Bean’s favorite princess. She began singing her song when she was 5. This is when she was brave enough to start her public singing career
So I’ve watched the Little Mermaid a thousand times. I’ve talked with her about living under the sea. I’ve watched the Little Mermaid 2 and the the Little Mermaid 3: The Phantom Menace. I’ve read her the books and she’s read them to me .She’s had three little mermaid costumes.
So when I say watching her meet Ariel was monumental, well yeah it was. I have to say that aside from my 20s and early 30s, when everything was possible and the next big thing was around the corner—well the only thing that not only compares with but surpasses those feelings is watching the being I love most in the world get her heart’s desire—she got to sing Ariel’s song for Ariel and Eric (and I’m glad that they were generous spirits and that it was early in the day because they made her feel like she was their very favorite person ever). She finally got to REALLY MEET THE REALLY REAL ARIEL. J and I both had tears in our eyes. Watching her have that moment I was no longer hot, no longer chubby, no longer thirsty, no longer anything but her mother, almost a being of pure love, like a transporter beam of joy. I’d still be in that moment right now if I could be.
So achievement and family. That’s no shock—but the bigger deal? Yep, Ariel. Still wish we could have had another child. I worry sometimes I have too much love for just one, that I’ll overpower her.
I guess I’m just lucky I can be part of her world