~T.S. Eliot from The Wasteland
Again and still it is hard to find the desire to say the things I used to say here without much effort. I have always written easily and frequently, until about December of last year. A horrid thing happened and simultaneously my desire to write about anything going on mostly left. I keep coming back to it because it was such an apalling situation , unfathomable, vicious and bizarre–like a bomb going off in our family psyche. The situation has not resolved itself, it probably can’t. It sure did change a lot of things.
Other things are changing though. Big changes.
I’ve had a very intense health scare. Don’t know what we can do about it either.
I started back at the gym. Up to 1. 5 hours 4 or 5 times a week. It’s been about 2 months now. It’s helping my auto immune issues, some of them. It’s helping my energy issues. My body looks better and I’m stronger. J is going to start going with me, but meantime he keeps breaking boards and getting new belts. And becoming such a part of the community here. We’re both learning to not hang back so much, to join more.
Yes we have volunteered for the Obama campaign. Our choice from the beginning. I don’t talk about politics much on here, but it has a big part in my life, always has since I worked on my first mock campaign for Jimmy Carter and worked on John Anderson’s real campaign even though I was too young to vote. I may write more about the issues of this campaign her, depends on if I can not just implode at the insanity of some of the right’s attacks.
The Bean’s grandfather is in hospice care now. It’s been getting steadily worse since June. I’m very sorry for his prolonged pain. For my mother’s prolonged pain. For his children’s. It goes on and on. J has been so incredibly kind in his visits to Carl. We haven’t taken the Bean up to the various hospitals because it’s been scary. We’ll all be going up this weekend, and then once a week at least.
The Bean has started first grade. It’s very exciting. It’s also shocking we have a first grader. She’s growing and changing so fast. She had some great camps this summer –drama, soccer, swimming, musical theatre. She makes friends so easily and is so confident. I had a couple of counselors stop me, one in particular and tell me how polite but also how very kind she is. That he hadn’t met a kid so very sweet like her before. I am so proud of her. We are so proud of her and so lucky to have such an amazing bean. a
And I’ve started school. Orignially I enrolled in an intro level class in Education. After talking to an advisor I guess I’m fast tracked. I’ve got 2 pre requisited to get under my belt, a portfolio, a test and by this summer, hopefully, I’ll be in the Master of Arts in Teaching program. And by the next summer, well I’ll have my initial license. Then a bit after that…an ESL endorsement as well. It’s a lot harder to go back to school now, with a family, as an older student and so long out of school. I almost didn’t do it, but J kept pushing me to try for this dream I had back in high school. Yes I always wanted to be a high school English teacher. I wish I’[d done it then, but maybe just maybe I’ll be able to do it now. And if it turns out not to be the thing? At least I will have tried. I know from recent events–it isn’t what you do so much that you regret, it is what you leave undone. And finally that MA in English will get some use. I hope.
Hope things get better, hope things get more connected, hope for the future, hope for ease, hope that perches in your soul.