The damage is done. The extent is considerable.
The damage is done. The extent is considerable.
I hope in the new year I’ll be back to updating this more frequently. It isn’t like we’ve had a shortage of goings on. We’ve been very busy– parties, visits, visits from others, cookie making with my friend L (we’ve been friends pretty much for over 20 years, yow–the cookie making had an excellent 80s soundtrack too)movies even (hey, we all loved Enchanted–goofy and sweet). Christmas was a combination of wonderful, not great, nice and sad. The Bean fully believes in Santa and was unbelievably excited. She was thrilled when she found out Santa gave the carrots to the reindeer. Her visit to see Santa on the 23rd (pictures to be posted soon) even made Santa verklempt (she laid her head on his shoulder and said “I love you Santa.”) . Christmas morning was so full of amazement that I could see the sparks shooting out of her head.
J and I also exchanged gifts we both really loved or needed (my favorite was a Jack and Sally music box that plays This is Halloween). Later the situation appeared again which was unfortunate. It really helps to have people to talk about it with (yurk, awkward sentence that). We did have a nice dinner at my Mom’s with friends,family and some of C’s kids. It was our turn to bring the 15! pounds! of mashed potatoes (and some rolls). I got them peeled and J helped as I cut them up and put them into the three boiling pots of water (now that helped the lack of humidity in our house). I really love how we do little things together, getting the chance to talk and sharing some of the small things that go into making the day, a life.
Sadly later in the day C (my stepfather, I’ve known him since I was 11) had another stroke. Two of his kids (and 5of the 9000 grandkids) are here and have been able to help my mother and give him some comfort. I have to say that whatever differences my mother and I have had the care and huge amount of work that goes into caring for C and keeping his spirits up is admirable. She has so much to do she doesn’t have a lot of time for herself. A lot of what she has to do is hard, meticulous (C is diabetic now too and can’t walk much so she prepares his meals and she hates cooking)and unpleasant. We’re doing what we can to help, which feels like not much. At least J’s visits to C always cheer him up and I can make food every so often and we can do dog and cat duty.
We also have a friend that just found out his young daughter has leukemia and another friend who is having some complications with his illness. Spare a moment if you can to give them a thought of health and ease.
I will be glad to see the hind end of 2007. It has been an ugly year. I/we are lucky for each other, for our good friends (a fun AND supportive bunch with kids for the Bean to grow up with), for living in a place we really like in a nice house. We have great cats that, for the time being at least, are healthy and relatively young. These things have kept us from despair with the various tragedies, small and large, that have been so ubiquitous. 2008 has to be better. It just has to.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Lord what a day. The Family care committee put the food boxen together today. 11 families 2 big boxen of cans and dry foods and one giant bag of frozen foods of various types each. And each family got gifts for all their kids. It was cool. The point was to make two weeks worth of groceries for each family+ Christmas and it looks like it worked. The political/status posturing was kept to a minimum too. I do realize I’ll never be one of those polished moms, but I’m good with that. If I can show up and do some of the quiet jobs and help with the Bean’s class and school then I’m doing what I want to be doing. I don’t want to be in charge or have PTA power, I just want to help.
So that was 2.5 hours. Then I came home hit the laundry hard and went back to do Journal writing time at Bean’s class. Oh, that’s it, that’s the big news. She was a bit cranky, tired and wild today because yesterday she had two baby teeth removed at the dentist (she had adult teeth coming in already and her two front bottoms just weren’t moving). She did it like a champ too. The “giggle gas in the spongebob nose” didn’t hurt either, but she barely noticed the Novocaine! She was interested and not scared at all. It was amazing, especially since she’s the daughter of a major dental phobic. Seriously–I have to take a Valium just to get my teeth cleaned. So I’m proud of myself that I haven’t passed this fear on to her. That has taken a concerted effort, but then that’s the point isn’t it? To care enough about your kid’s needs and happiness that you can put aside your own fears, your own b.s. More parents should learn that. So there was blood but she thought it was cool and was so excited about the tooth fairy she could barely stand it. One tooth came out easily but the second one had quite a long root. Argh.
Late last night we located the silver glitter (fairy dust) and a $5 bill (hey, that was a big deal at the dentist ) and I snuck into her room. She stirred but didn’t wake up as I grabbed the tooth box and replaced it with the loot. I sprinkled some fairy dust on the side of her bed and then on the windowsill. The next morning she was more excited about that than the money. WAY more. She went over her room carefully looking for fairy dust and anything the tooth fairy might have touched. She decided the tooth fairy played with some of her toys and didn’t need to open the window, she just flew right through it. Never has $.001 of glitter been so valuable.
She came downstairs and drew the tooth fairy, the tooth mermaid and the tooth princess. It was so freaking cute, much detail on the clothing and tails now too. Giant jump in drawing ability suddenly. She was tired today and touchy when I went to school for journal writing but got better after school when we picked up her best friend S for a playdate. They were a bit unhinged and I had to use my “mother voice,” as the Bean calls it more than a few times but it was fun with only minor injuries.
Somewhere in all this was a an hour or so of Xmess shopping. The friend kids are nearly taken care of . The adults are nearly finished(yay Archie McPhee, yay ebay for obscure gifts)and I start the cards in the next day or so.
Thanks to y’all who emailed asking about the situation.’ No it hasn’t resolved itself and it likely won’t. At least I can’t see how it would. It’s yucky, it’ll stay yucky and we’ll navigate it as we can. It’s very difficult and treacherous territory though.
In other news Haru continues to eat the (fake) Xmess tree and ornaments. I need to take a picture, it’s one of the the coolest trees ever–Nightmare before Christmas, eyeballs, skulls, Beetlejuice, fairies, cats…Darth Vader, and pink lights. Hee. We do good tree.
Ok, we may catch up on tivoed “pushing daisies,” and fall asleep soon, very very soon.
I have to say though, I was really relieved when it was time for bed.
I am realizing slowly that it is very important to speak my mind. I’ve been way to nice for too long and that allows people to get away with too much, much too much.
So my goal for the coming year–telling it like it is, standing up for myself in all my relationships.
ALL of them.
I’ll find the way to take the high road AND not get run over.
I think I’m about to hit the library again and pick up some Romantics. It’s time to revisit them and other Victorian writing. I disliked many of the Victorians in graduate school, which was rather heretical. I spent my time either with Chaucer or Shakespeare or in later ages with Italo Calvino, Kurt Vonnegut, Flannery O’connor etc etc. I guess I’m searching for an answer to an unanswerable situation and I usually find it in literature.
And meditation, that’s helping.
I will write more on the morrow. I have lots of ideas, but needed to take a few days off. I’ve also been unloading rather openly on my LiveJournal, which I can friendslock. Some things just can’t go fully public.
Tomorrow I start taking out my camera and attempting to post a picture every day? every other day? of F’ville. Our home, the place we love more everyday (even my California husband).
Who by the way is home from his sojourn in the farthest reaches of Republican land (Bakersfield). We are so glad to have him home. I find I appreciate him anew, his kindness, gentleness his actual understanding of and patience with me. He never hesitates to support me and/or call me on my stuff. I am a better person because of him and I’m grateful he thinks he is because of me.
I really enjoyed nablopomo and I have a number of folks I’ll still be reading. I appreciate all the visitors.
And thank you for the emails I appreciate being missed.