redacted, after nablopomo
redacted, after nablopomo
OK then, my friend A isn’t here yet and the Bean is playing Jumpstart 1st grade (smarTYpants) on her computer. So I’m going to blither a bit.
Yes, her computer. It used to be mine, but I started working on videos with effects and music and such so I needed more power. I built it from er, scratch? Because in my other life I was a sysadmin and bigtime computer dork. That life I may still return to. But that’s a derail we’ll get to in a moment.
Here’s the box, but mine is a much less frightening blue and silver
I stuffed it full of great things –best dvd, best cdr, best video card and buttloads of ram (scavenged some for a friend and the Bean still has over a meg) and made it all play together nicely. I think I did that while pregnant with the Bean too. Pregnancy brain messed with other things, not that so much. ANYway…she’s up there “playing a game,” which is accidentally teaching her reading and math. Heh. Wonder how long that will work?
I’m really over J being gone. This has been a long freaking week. For many reasons. I think I’ll email C and a couple of other folks to help me process this thing that is eating me up. I can’t and don’t rely completely on J to do this with me. Besides, he has enough on his plate.
From this point forward this: ~ will note that I’m posting a random thought. I will try and have a somewhat cohesive post, with transitions and everything but really I want to get these thoughts out. I feel very strongly about what nablopomo has brought out in me.
~I love Edith Piaf and am enjoying listening to her muchly right now
~I like my titles for blog entries, stories, poems…I give good title.
~did anyone else think the new bpal eggnog smelled a bit like playdo, and that that was OK?
~I’m getting very tired of being angry and hurt. The meditation helps. The uh, blurting, on livejournal does too. I’m so shocked by this turn of events and trying to both find my spine AND be forgiving. That’s not easy.
~ I must note for posterity and just for general extreme happiness: The Bean chose to read a book to me. To really read the entire freaking story to me. The first library book the Bean has read herself is called “The Ballet Sisters,” at least the first story so far. She’s been reading Bob Books and Hello kitty books for awhile, like ER, 2 years now (puffing up with pride) but this was a case of “Mommy, I’m going to read this book to you and you can’t tell me the words, I’ll sound them out.” Oh god, what an adventure she’s in for. Reading is well, the best thing ever. I love a few things fervently in this world….J and The Bean, Cats (both mine and all of them) and reading. When I’m scared I can read. When I’m sad I can read. When I need help I can read. When I want to escape I can read. And I can read anything on any subject. And I read obscenely fast –I have to slow myself down on books with excellent plots and characters or it’s like eating an entire giant valentine’s box of chocolates at once.
She asked me for a flashlight so she can read under the covers. Well yes, we will be getting her one of course! Of course! I feel like dancing at this. So many adventures. Funny this after on NPR today they were talking about the decline in reading. Not in this house. We decorate in books. Our child will be both computer literate (hell she’s going to blow us out of the water and that’s saying something) and a reader. And into music. It’s unavoidable in this house and with our (very smart and musical) friends.
~She’s been a good girl this week, not so argumentative or whiny. Karate really freaking helps. I’ve been getting her more exercise too. And she’s getting ready to grow about three inches.
~I think what I’d like to do from this point forward is start taking pictures to post here. Not every day, because well, content suffers when you post every day I think. But to post a picture as often as possible. Of us (cats and people) friends and Fayetteville too . We live in such a pretty place …
This would mean of course, that I will need to figure out why my new digital camera is so hard to take pictures with. My last one (a Kodak ls753) was great, but succumbed to the stuck lens problem finally after 4 years. This new one was inexpensive as digitals go, but had the controls I wanted. I’m afraid it isn’t great though, and I’ll need to stick with it for a year or two before I can trade up. This new one blurs easily but has some excellent settings. Just like I’d like to take a serious culinary class.
There are some big things on the horizon. (redacted after nablopomo)….
This is more than a bit disjointed, but there you go. There’s much to think about. And I thank those of you who have made this journey with me. I’ll keep reading you, I hope you’ll keep reading me. Ya’ll made these intertubes less impersonal and brought me out from my small friend group of readers into the blogosphere once again (er yeah, I was once mentioned in a few reviews and books for documenting\ my life).
Thank you for helping me find my voice again. Same time next year?
I may post actual content later, depends on if my friend A comes over.
I wanted to get this up though to qualify and say…I MADE IT. I know they have a seal of completion but I love de kittyhead.
By The Bean
“I saw a big smoke outside the art room window. And I thought it was a fire heading for school. My mommy came to pick me up and I said it was a fire in our neighborhood and the teachers were worried. We had to go home because our linuses and cats because they were scared. We had to put ninjas and kung fu people and a huge shield that a little person is holding and extra ninjas with small shields. The ninjas were 7 years old. The kung fu people were 5 and 6 and 7 years old.
The big shield that the little 3 year old person can hold uses magic to keep the fire back. The ninjas have the power to keep the fire from getting to our house. They are really strong.
The linuses thought that the fire could burn them and they didn’t want that . The linuses said “I’m scared and linus and linus and line line and hid under my covers.”
Yes there really was a fire after school. It wasn’t headed toward our house but it was in the neighborhood. It was a little hard getting the real details from the “story details” so we went home to check just to be sure.
Took Bean to her first karate lesson today. It was fierce and adorable. I told her she’d have to be serious and pay attention and she did great. She is not lacking in confidence–jut threw herself into it and tried everything full throttle. She wasn’t the lest bit shy and it was great to watch. She was sure that if she didn’t know how to do something she would at any minute.
I had to sit on myself to let her have her own process and experience, to not try and re focus her attention when her mind wandered. She needed to find her own way, and my tendency toward perfection and adult knowledge of behavior and interaction? Not needed. Her learning and having the experience was what was called for. Interesting this trying to figure out when to step in and when not to. What is a teaching situation and when it is time for her to learn from others. Truly she didn’t stop paying attention more than a couple of times, which was phenomenal. She was so happy and excited to be there. It was very high energy and they let her try everything even if it was her first time. She came home in a way better mood than she got there.
The only problem…the place smelled like feet. Urk. I think I’ll be putting a drop of my favorite bpal under my nose next time.
Sometimes no matter what you do you are wrong. How do you find a Zen state with that suffering?
But let’s move along then shall we?
I wish I could like wine the right way, but I like wine the silly way. by how it tastes. I’ve spent quite a bit of time around wine snobs (in that last life in SF) and I still don’t get it. When it gets dry or smoky, it just gets dry or smoky. When it’s fruity and light I can tell a taste, a difference–red or white. Maybe I should er, take a class? I almost did that in SF, but never got around to it. Before I do that I’m taking a freaking hot chef, culinary arts, wear a tall hat and whites class.
REALLY. I so want to do that. I want to feel that pressure. It’s very very weird. I hating working at Red Lobster. I hated working at Shoneys. I liked working at Hugo’s ( I did hate how I smelled at the end of the shift, Hugo’s has a distinctive aroma). but it was hard and I was 16 and a busboy. I honestly have no idea why I’m fascinated other than I love making a bit of art(it isn’t art when I do it, but it could be) and I love caring for those I love by feeding them. My father fed me and I knew he loved me that way. I like doing something like that.
But if I try this real chef type cooking thing?
I’ll fail, utterly. I know it. I did when I worked in food service. I sucked mightily. Except as a hostess and busboy. I can memorize anything and I used to be strong and fast. A matter of pride. But I want to have a culinary school cooking fantasy. How wrong is that? If you knew me well, you’d know how wrong that used to be and how right it is now.
OK. So there might be more left in me tonight, but it is on entirely different subjects. So I’ll post this and perhaps post those.
But wait, before I do–how do YOU make Turkey noodle soup? I have this giant carcass I’m boiling in water, some organic chicken stock, a bit of leftover white wine from Fangsgiving and some veg stock. The skin is floating to the top and I’m taking it out. But really what do I do? I’ve made veg stock/broth but not really a poultry stock. Please leave your recipes at the tone.