A teen but not like that


Categories: Daily blather

You know what is needed? Clothes for young girls…tweens and teens, who are tall but are NOT beanpicjuniors. They are NOT 16, or 17. They don’t need spaghetti straps and low cut tank tops and up your butt shorts.

They need a slightly more grown up version of size 14-16 clothes or a slightly younger version of juniors clothing.

Right now I have a choice between bermuda shorts (which our kid hates) and shorts that are nearly too short. What about some that hit mid thigh? in a size 0,2,3?

And tshirts and tank tops not cut down to the navel?

She won’t go to Justice anymore because the colors are too neon and the styles too childish.

JCpenney has the same problem with the kids stuff being too childish but the juniors being too older teenager.

The same with Dillards, Macy’s…all of them.And Wet Seal, and Forever 21 (because she isn’t yet!)  I’d just like transitional clothing that isn’t too short, or low cut or just too old for a 13, 14 year old to wear. Heck she was tall enough at 12 to need to jump out of kids sizes (though I had to put my meager sewing skills to the test for the waist area).

It’s confusing for her too. She’s paying attention to her clothing now but it’s kind of awkward.

TL/DR Make some not revealing clothes for tall 12-14 year old girls!


PushMe PullYou

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Categories: Daily blather

pushmepullyouAnd so we may be here for another ..year? More?

The start to the process didn’t go well so we are looking at all our options.

I do know I am winding down what I can learn at my present position and likely need to look for something more challenging .

Part time has been helpful this past nearly two years but the money for it isn’t great. Not bad, but not great.

We have to be prepared to stay  or to go. Trying to act as if in both situations is…something.


Pushmi–pullyus are now extinct. That means, there aren’t any more. But long ago, when Doctor Dolittle was alive, there were some of them still left in the deepest jungles of Africa; and even then they were very, very scarce. They had no tail, but a head at each end, and sharp horns on each head. They were very shy and terribly hard to catch. The black men get most of their animals by sneaking up behind them while they are not looking. But you could not do this with the pushmi–pullyu — because, no matter which way you came towards him, he was always facing you. And besides, only one half of him slept at a time. The other head was always awake — and watching. This was why they were never caught and never seen in Zoos. Though many of the greatest huntsmen and the cleverest menagerie–keepers spent years of their lives searching through the jungles in all weathers for pushmi–pullyus, not a single one had ever been caught. Even then, years ago, he was the only animal in the world with two heads.



Sweet Bean you are 13

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Categories: Daily blather, family, The Bean

2002BeanbornAt some point this week our wonderful girl is going to turn 13. 13. I never understood when grownups said that time actually moves so fast since the time between 2:45 and 3:00 pm seemed to take hours.  But looking through her baby pictures and home movies I feel like the last 13 years have gone by in seconds.

I want to say something amazing and profound but I find there really aren’t words that can express what it means to have discovered that the best thing ever is being her mom. Not my degrees, not promotions, not praise, not that big salary I used to have in SF. Nope, all of them crumble to paper, then ash then fly away like nothing compared to the journey I’ve been able to share with her.

She’ s one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. I have yet to see a mean anywhere in this child. She’s just good and we will protect her to our last breath from all the yuck  that is out there. Eventually she won’t need us to, but that doesn’t mean we won’t keep trying to.

She’s talented and lovely (so much more than she knows–she’s still growing into the beauty she will be, all arms and legs and crazy hair)And good. She’s just a really good person who tries to help others. That has ended up hurting her but it doesn’t stop her.

I can easily say the very best thing I’ve ever done with my life is be her mom.


Want, wish, make


Categories: April Moon, Blogging Challenges, Tags: ,

aprilmoon_day15 Hey aren’t you supposed to keep your wishes secret or they won’t come true? No matter, I have a few and I’ll think of this as manifesting instead. And asking the universe and/or the powers that be to send some of these good things my way (all the while working toward them).

Ok, first off I wish for this to be a good and as easy as it can be move for our daughter. She has such good friends it will be hard for her to not see them every day. Thank goodness for Skype!

For our cats to make the move as easily as they can.

For J to find in Oregon what he never could here- (well of course things have gotten better recently, just like they did before we left Illinois, why is that?) – guys to hang out with who grok him.

It would be nice to sell this house after not too many showings for a good price to move in June. Not earlier, in June.

To find a good place to land to rent for awhile in Oregon that is very cat friendly.

For this bout with PTSD to lift. I’m one of those who doesn’t let it stop me (much) but it keeps me from participating in other than family life and takes away joy in my joyful things.  I’m tired of my weekends being chores or sleeping. I’m tired of being so tired. And scared.

For us to finally finally find the place we can call home in Oregon. To settle in and be ourselves and be a part of…For us to find Em a good, safe new school and some kind girls to hang out with. For me to find some excellent women to hang out with who are at least close to the excellence of the ones I know here.

To write again, here and my writing projects.

To find a job that isn’t cruel or demeaning.

To find some way to part from my family that is less unpleasant than it is now. I think we might be able to love each other from afar, but were never meant to be together again.

I think that about covers it.

April Moon 15 has been very good for me and I’m grateful to Kat McNally and Alana Lawson for their thoughtful prompts and excellent pictures to go along with them. I used April Moon to bring me out of the dark place of winter and it has helped immeasurably. Hopefully in August I’ll be in Oregon, but who knows?



lucky rocketship underpants


Categories: April Moon, Blogging Challenges, Tags: ,

April Moon, Day 14. aprilmoon_day14When I started thinking about this one, I felt like I couldn’t do it. Somedays, as Calvin said to Hobbes, even my lucky rocketship underpants don’t help.

The last few years have been hard. I keep a good face in public but that is about as far as it goes.I know others who have had it harder, or differently difficult. But it is all relative and personal.

And then on thinking on all this, and the stress of house selling, something just sparks.

Em has a great school and has spent the last two years with teachers who know and care about her, want her to be successful and require her to work hard. She has good friends who are great kids. Friends like I wanted her to have.

I have some friends I dearly love. Some friendships have grown stronger, some have passed by the wayside, all have made my life richer.

I’ve learned a lot technically the last year and more importantly learned how fast I really can learn. I don’t tend to think too much of myself (so much early training that way, don’t you know) but I did manage to impress myself.  I’ve also learned more about how *not* to work in the last 6 years than in the previous many.

I can take action to make things better when I need to and I have.

I’m really amazing at getting a house ready for sale.

I feel like those are lucky things. Things I worked for or at, but lucky, good things.  Luck and good people along the way .

I guess I can lament and woe is me. I can feel downtrodden and sad and somedays I do. But I’m rocketunderpantschoosing to look at the good. And I’m hoping my physical  self  will catch up with this and let me feel  that good, not just think about that good.

I look at Em and know I’m lucky. There was never any indication there would be much good to my life, but what’s been built is far far from bad.  Meeting James was lucky, because I’d pretty much thrown in the towel at the point we got together. But one more try…

As Coleman Cox said (not Jefferson ) “I’m a great believer in luck, the harder I work, the more luck I have. “


A fight for breath, an ache for home


Categories: April Moon, Blogging Challenges, Tags: ,

aprilmoon_day13April Moon, Day 13

Oh so many things…
I wonder if I will ever be done with this moving process. I started early to make it easier on every one and myself–just to do a little each day. But that means I’ve been working on this for 8 months.That’s a long time.

I wonder if I will ever stop jumping each time the phone rings or a car door closes.

I wonder if I will ever feel fully at home anywhere. I think I did for quite a while in SF. And again here in Fayetteville– for a little bit –the first few years. Is it a fleeting feeling? Can it last?

It has to last because this will be the last state I move to. It has to be.

I wonder if I will ever get my energy back. It’s been gone for so long. I am working to get it back but so far not yet.

I wonder if I will ever

if I will ever

get to the top of my breath, easily and without fighting for it.

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