No Dissension Allowed

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Categories: Age, Angst, Daily blather

When did we stop being able to disagree about things, ideas, beliefs and start being offended, angry, diminishing ? When did the way *I* see things become the only right way? Is this a tendency the internet made much much worse or something new?

I guess people of a certain age or mindset have always been that way. I knew them as a kid. It is strange to see it happen to your friends.

The net is different from the wild west days of the early 90s (when I started  on a text version of the internet), when you had to really WANT to be on the net- it wasn’t easy. I think it was a friendlier place too, possibly because it was less populated.

What I find interesting is that some of this isn’t even anonymous–I get that trolls will be trolls and anonymity makes them bold. But, these are real people using their real names. I’ve stopped posting on feminist websites because I get dog piled (and I’m a feminist) or any agnostic or atheist discussions (I’ve been both, I’m just now edging out of agnosticism ).

I hesitate to call myself a feminist lest I become lumped in with the crazy vicious ones–the ones who see every man as an enemy. The ones on tumblr who think traffic cones are oppressive phallic symbols.

I now will absolutely NEVER consider atheism because of the nasty and abusive silencing I’ve seen in most? all? discussions. I’m concerned about our child exploring her religious philosophy in the internet age because there seems to be no place for rational discussion, for searching. When we’ve moved I’ll be helping her do this IRL of course, but I have cautioned, even forbidden her to talk about those subjects online until she is much older and can handle what amounts to bullying.

The vitriol is amazing! The lack of visual clues and the distance, yes…it isn’t anonymity perhaps but internet argument a child and a jackassdistance. You are berating someone across the country or across town, so it’s safer– you never have to really face them. To face how horrid your behavior is.

I wish for the days when we could respectfully disagree. When it wasn’t necessary to insult the people who disagreed with you. 

I’m not a ‘digital native’ (goofy catchphrase) but I’ve been doing this a long time and it is pretty much second nature to me. So to find my Waterloo is interesting.

I guess this is a get off my lawn moment.



One foot

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Categories: Daily blather, Moving, Tags:

One thing this big move is teaching me…You have to do what is in front on you, the next thing. Some situations are so large that worrying actually makes no sense.

Of course I’m concerned how Em will weather the move.

Of course I’m concerned about will we find a good place to live with our kitties and a good school for Em. Of course I’m concerned about making friends, having a tribe (I’m a bit of a hermit, but I have ended up with a pretty understanding and loving tribe here in Fayetteville). Of course I’m concerned about how quickly our house will sell and at what price.

Right now, I have to make sure we eat (most of the time at home, but eating out is happening more as there is just so much to do) , that the improvements get completed (and I’m doing a lot of the cleaning and painting of lesser things myself) and as much stuff as possible gets packed.Those other things are so very large–all I can do is research and then wait until we get to each of those bridges. Sometimes it keeps me up. Mostly I can put it aside and just do the next thing.

Because really what is the choice? One foot in front of the other (I know it’s cheesy, but it’s true…)

If you want to change your directiononefoot
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking ‘cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door


The Beginning of the End

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Categories: Daily blather, Moving, Tags:

We’re getting rid of half our stuff. Yep..about half. We’ve purged and purged again.  Our friend Leo, a professional painter is headed our way soon and the brother of another friend will be here to fix things, small things that we’ve just ignored ) Carpet cleaners here the end of February. The Realtor has been here to get a first look. We hope we’ll be ready by March.

It’s been such a good house in so many ways. But it’s been too big since we figured out one was the number of the children we were going to get to have. It’s been the best house for Halloween. And

Everyday is Halloween

Everyday is Halloween


It’s too bad we could not quite work it out with my family. There were some good times, so many more were not . I’ll say we have all done our best and it just doesn’t work. I  always felt like a changeling, especially after my parents divorced. I remember having that thought at about 7  after reading a fairy tale. Later ,around 11 ,I was sure, as I cried on the hill in our yard, that the Enterprise had forgotten I was on Earth.  For many years I’ve been hurt by this but the good that has come of being here now, is that I see it can’t be changed or fixed. I can leave this.

It’s been a good town in so many ways–wonderful people, good good friends. Being able to walk your kid to school every morning. We just never quite clicked. We were never going to stay here for always and maybe that was part of why.  This was for when E was young. It was soothing at first to be away from the smells and lines of the city. But I missed the opportunities for music (I cannot stand the music in our little town. I hate jam bands.  Bluegrass is nice, some folk music (heavy on the Irish) is wonderful but 70s jamming makes me ill) and subculture.

I miss not being around homophobes. I’m completely over the sexism of old white southern men.

I miss a work culture that values employees as human beings.  I miss lots of cool restaurants.

And silly things like Ikea and Trader Joe’s.

We are so lucky we found her school the last two years. I hope we are as lucky in Oregon.

There are things to do here, just not lots of things that make sense to us. J and E found gaming at Gear and that is  great. For awhile we had some local anime conventions (though E is ready to try bigger and different) .  I tried several other things but never clicked.

Our town  is as liberal as it gets in the South and for that I’m grateful. I need *really* liberal. I need a town that can support the liberal akin to what made the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence possible. But…I don’t want to live in SF again. That’s become too big and too much work . Slower has become preferable.

Lots of folks passionately love this place and I can see why. It is pretty. There are lots of outdoorsy things to do. The standard of living is great.  There are some amazing wonderful people here that I will love for always. Our girl has some kind and good  friends here I hope she is able to stay in contact with her entire life.

I am glad we did this. I wouldn’t change moving back.

It’s not you little town…it’s me, it’s us.  We need to make room for someone to love and contribute to this small oasis to help it become the place it really wants to be, can be.  A place without the influence of the Duggers, the hysterics lying about bathrooms and danger, a place where old white Southern men can’t lie and abuse their power. These bad things are fading but they need help and we aren’t the ones to do it.  Someone needs to come live in this big ole house and make our little town better. Walk their kids to school and go to PTO meetings.

But it will always be my hometown. And these people helped make me who I am. For that I’m forever grateful.






Home is where your family is

Categories: Blogging Challenges, Project Reverb, Tags:

Project Reverb Prompt: Home: Tell us about what home meant to you this year. Are you a homebody? Did you do a renovation? Move? Redecorate?

We have taken down many of our paintings, our sculptures. Much of the personality in our home is being removed day by day.

We are painting and cleaning and working hard to have the house ready in a couple of months to put on the market. We’ve done so many good things to the house and we’re going to go ahead with some of the stuff we had planned and at least have a few months to enjoy the improvements. We have loved our big red house. We hope a family with a bunch of kids will find it next.

It has been such a great Halloween house.

House on Haunted Hill by Kathy Collier

House on Haunted Hill by Kathy Collier

We bought the house thinking we would have more than our one wonderful child. That was not to be. We will find a smaller home when we move. We’ll rent for a year first, or that is the plan. And when we do, the only room and decor we’ll be unpacking is the kidlet’s. I don’t plan to unpack much until we have bought our next place. So for a year at least, or longer I’m going for minimalism.

Or that’s the plan. We’ve divided everything into coming with us or staying in storage here for a year.  Then after a year ish , we’ll get on a plane and get everything loaded to come back. And visit everyone we miss and love here.

Or that’s the plan.

So home has to come with us. It is in our hearts and in our cats. Wherever J and E are, where ever the furry folk are–there is home. The rest is just possessions and furniture. I won’t see my books for nearly two years but I can still read. i won’t see my mementos and cool decorations for nearly two years but that just means I need to live in now . It is good to see what we really need and what is extra. It’s been good to clean through everything.

It’s sad, but it is also just a bit exciting.


Never means 2 weeks

Categories: Blogging Challenges, Daily blather, Project Reverb, Tags:

Project Reverb prompt: “What did you think you’d NEVER do. But you did this year. Why? What changed your mind?”

From Friends of Type

From Friends of Type

Someone told me a long time ago that never means two weeks. So I try not to say never.  I do see some things have ended but I haven’t said that I’ll never be back in touch with those folks. Just that right now it doesn’t make sense. It may not for a long time, but I take it day by day. When I need to be reminded of why ,I read saved emails and texts. But never isn’t really in there.  Just not today.

I do know that I said we’re never moving again. Nearly 10 years ago. And we are. And that first part is going to be bumpy. But we’ll get through it.  I won’t say we’ll never buy and sell a house at the same time because that’s what we did with this one and it was super stressful. I won’t say never because I’m superstitious and I think that will bring that to pass.

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