As a mother

As a mother
Of possibilities

I wished for but didn't grasp
a night of wavering voices
many upon many
and days of despair--
a sigh I left it there
hidden,
laughable.

You presumed
to love me and I
in weakness believed you.

This dark hope
I should grasp
but I could
without you
cast it away
laughing and Oh
I will
in just this moment
I must
it has been too long.

Then there is morning
and you breathe
a gentle unrecovered time
with silence
and
trust in my warmth

and so
I must become
for love
simple, horrid love
a mother
of possibilites.

and find that which
I have given away.
It must not be lost even under webs and dust.
If you ask for it
I must have it ready.

for James 2001